You burned me, memory and all
stuck.
I cant get you out of my head
luring me in with raspy whispers I've never heard.
You're half figment of imagining
and I can't stop grabbing
for thoughts of your touch,
But I've never felt your fingertips.
I want to hold you and tell you its okay,
everything will be okay.
And I'll tell you and I'll tell myself
because my world has never spun this fast.
I can't buckle my seat belt,
it won't save me now.
I need grit and iron and a dose of pride
but I've lost my medicine.
A spoonful of sugar washes out the taste,
but only for a minute.

I need to meet myself again.
I need to remind me who i am and what i want.
I need to tie myself back together and glue up the pieces.
I can do this on my own.
I will do this on my own.
I have to do this on my own.
I need to tell myself what i will and will not do, because around you, all that goes out the window.
I need to remember all the things i dreamed of that you couldn't give me.
I need to like me again.
I need to know why it doesn't matter if you don't like me.
There are other people in the world. And myself.
There's always me.
Just me.

ugh. =[



i hate when you want something with you're entirety and they don't even say good bye when they leave.
i hate it when you have a vision for something and nothing goes how you wanted and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
and i hate when you let anger takeover.
and i hate you you don't realize how much everything you do affects me.
and i hate that all i can do is sit here and write about how much i hate it.
and i hate waiting.

So, a few days ago I was on my grandma's roof and the sky was all gloomy and such. There is a big field with tall wispy grass and purple weeds and all that.
But, of course,
No camera.
and i only had one model and half the props to take pictures to go along with my poem: garden party. Hopefully that day can duplicate itself soon and my model will be ungrounded (which will not happen in the next 500 years).

Ugh.